Preparedness...yes, its a word.

Jordan and I had a nice weekend of working on some last minute details of the nursery. I managed to find some inexpensive curtains and rod at Target, and we found a great lime green lamp at a mid-century modern estate sale on Saturday. After rewiring and changing the shade to a homemade concoction of cork, I think it turned out pretty cute. It's hard to tell from the pictures, but it's actually much lighter than our green walls, and the cork lets little twinkles of light out all over the shade.

Sunday afternoon, while my husband and puppy snoozed through football, I tirelessly sewed away at my had-to-have-it-but-can't-afford-it-so-i'll-make-it mobile. I now completely understand why the original maker charges so much, and I am happy to be finished. It turned out pretty much how I wanted, but just don't look too close!

T and her mom came over for dinner Sunday night and we had a good time talking and getting to know each other better. She liked the nursery and Duke (he was on his best behavior again) and we made plans for Wednesday's Dr. appointment. She told us that she had gone to the hospital on Friday night with contractions, only to be sent home, so hopefully we can find out more of an eta (ha!) at the Dr.'s visit.

We also got to talk to her about names. This has been one of the most frequently asked questions that Jordan and I have received. Do you have a name? Does the birthmother get to pick a name? Do you get to pick the name? Well...to answer a few questions and to keep you guessing: In a typical adoption with our agency, the birthmother is given the option to name the baby at birth and this name is on the original birth certificate. The adoptive parents can choose to keep the name or change the name, and this is put on the second birth certificate given at the time the adoption is finalized (6 mts after placement). Because we are in an open adoption, Jordan and I decided early on that we wanted our baby's name to have both a part of the birthfamily and us, so we picked a few names and tried to remain open (not getting too excited about one in particular) thinking we would decide this with the birthmother. As it turns out, T had picked a name for her baby early in her pregnancy when she was still thinking she would parent. She told us the name at our match meeting, hoping that we might use it as a middle name. So that's where I'll stop. What I will say is that we do have a name, but we are waiting to reveal it until the little guy is here. The good news is, you won't have to wait long!

Catching Our Breath

We have been so overwhelmed (in a good way) by all of the encouraging messages and calls from our friends and family, and we feel so, so blessed by everyone that God has surrounded us with during this process. We really don't have words to let you know what all your shared excitement means to us.

I think that Tuesday's news is finally starting to sink in! Jordan and I both got to talk to T tonight on the phone, and like us, she is noticeably relieved that the decision has been made and I think that she is really ready to have this baby now! She says that she is pretty uncomfortable so she's hoping that means he won't wait too long. We chatted about nothing special and then she asked me to go with her to her Dr.'s appointment on Wednesday! We will hopefully get to have her over this weekend to spend some more time together.

Jordan did manage to complete the construction of the crib and changing table (which was no small task), and I finally settled on some curtains. We plan to buy a few more essentials this weekend and try to get some sleep (though i still haven't figured out how!) Here are a few pictures of the assembly process...

Duke is very curious

I told my co-workers that it looked like one of the closets we sell!

ta da!

Whew!

We are spent, but the home study is OVER! Duke was a complete angel. No jumping, burping, or farting the whole three hours! And Jordan wasn't too bad either. We began preparing for today early in the week with cleaning and fixing...and when I say we, I mean Jordan. He has been so helpful, and knowing the stress I was under (as we have quite a busy weekend), he took the initiative to clean most of the house, fix a few odds and ends, and wash the clothes. I had a baby shower to attend this morning, and when I returned everything was sparkling! Our social worker came over around 1:00 and we showed her around the house pointing out where smoke detectors, cleaning supplies, and medicine were kept. She looked in every room and closet and even the garage, seemed satisfied, so we began the final part of my interview. Meanwhile, Jordan worked on his brisket that he was smoking (in the rain) for tomorrows Cowboys game and our church small group get together (so he's pretty much super husband). He joined me after a little while, and our social worker asked us questions about how we planned to raise our child ranging from education to discipline. We also talked about different situations with birth families (how often we planned to see them, what if they were a different religion, physical and emotional issues, etc.) and how we felt we would relate to them. We discussed with her what we had learned from our required reading and from meeting with the couple who had adopted from Greenville. She told us that she really liked our profile, and that we should get more feedback soon from the agency on whether anything had to be tweaked or changed. She mentioned that it would take her a week or two to complete our home study recommendation to give to the agency, but that she only had good things to tell them. She also said that the director had encouraged her to quickly complete our home study as she already had a few birthmothers she wanted to show our profile! Now starts more waiting.

How could I be anything but angelic?

Come study our home...

We found out today that our paperwork was received and our final home visit is scheduled for September 12th. This is when our assigned social worker will do a home safety and fire inspection and conduct a follow up interview with the both of us at our house. This is also when she will meet Duke. (we are currently working on his manners, though I fear it may be too late) We still need to do some "baby proofing" in the form of outlet covers and cleaning up the fireplace(since we really don't use it and don't have a screen). We also have to be prepared for a mock fire drill. Jordan wanted to really ham this part up, but I have convinced him otherwise.

We are exhausted, and frankly ready to get all this technical stuff over with, but just when we think we've finished all the paperwork we can stand...we started filling out more. Many of you have been surprised and asked us how and why are we paying for this whole thing.

Let me start with the WHY...
If you do any research on adoption, you will find that the price to adopt varies greatly between domestic and international, private and agency, and even agency to agency. This was something that puzzled us until we dug a little deeper. We knew early on that we wanted to adopt domestically (mostly because raising a child from birth and on was something we really desired for our first child, and because openness was important to us). Then we considered private vs. agency. If you know Jordan and I, we tend to go along with the theory, "you get what you pay for" and found that there was a lot of personal leg work that went into private adoption, there were more risks, and I'll be honest, we knew very little about this whole adoption world and really felt like we needed a guide. But when we looked at different agencies, we learned there were big differences in cost there as well. So we set off to decipher what all this money was going to. We attended a very informative "Affording Adoption" meeting through a local church and quickly found out that the money in adoption was divvied out between processing fees, attorney fees, social worker fees, counseling, and birth family related fees. The later two being what made the price differ. We were encouraged at this meeting to find an agency that didn't offer any maternity care for birthmothers, as this was thought to be something that was "not our responsibility". I left a little jaded(to say the least), and was relieved to find out my husband felt the same. Now let me mention that none of these advisers had open adoptions, and I am sure that their advice was well intentioned. However, it opened our eyes to the disparity of our society, the preconceived ideas and stereotypes about birth families, and the lack of us as Christians to reach out and show love to those in situations unlike our own. We had a strong desire to not only make our family complete, but to help mend a family that was breaking. We chose our agency because of the extensive care and respect they give to birth families and the education they provide to empower all families involved in adoption. This is not something that just happens...it takes resources.

So for the HOW...
As you probably guessed, we don't have $25,000 laying around. We are lucky that Jordan's work has a $5,000 adoption reimbursement program and that there is a BIG federal tax credit now available; however, these don't cover the entire amount and we still have to have the money up front at placement. We have prayed hard about this, and we do trust that God will provide. We are now working on applying for a interest free loan through the ABBA fund to help pay for some of the costs until we get our reimbursements. We also know that some of you would like to be a part of this whole endeavor with us. We have already had some VERY generous family and friends pitch in, and for that we are beyond grateful. Each contribution has come at a time when we were really discouraged and overwhelmed, and I feel like they have been God's way of telling us to trust this plan that is so beyond us. Pride is so hard to swallow, but we are hoping that by being open about our situation, we will give you the opportunity to share in our blessing.

We Survived

Today was a our first interview with our case worker, and all went well. We met at the agency office around 9:30 a.m., and didn't leave until 1:30 p.m. Obviously, there was a lot to talk about! The interview was actually very laid back, and started with both of us answering questions together about how we met, what attracted us to one another, what our personalities were like, and what our relationship looks like now that we are married. It was especially fun talking about how we resolve conflict, deal with anger, and handle stress...I am definitely being sarcastic here! We went over our financial stats and how we planned on affording adoption and why we chose Domestic adoption vs. further infertility treatment or International Adoption. All in all, it was a lot of what we had already answered on our application. Then, she split us up and talked one-on-one about our families. We had to explain what our parents and siblings were like (especially fun to "describe" my brothers!) and what our family dynamics looked like growing up. While we were waiting for the other to complete the individual interview, she had us complete a workbook/survey on transracial adoption. As I mentioned earlier, I was a bit concerned with what Jordan might happen to say during our interviews. He has a way with miscommunication. So when he told me in the car on the way back home that he mentioned how he got "whippin's" as a child (which seemed to alarm the case worker), I had to roll my eyes. I tried to explain that "spanking" might have been a better term, as "whippin" tends to put an image of being lashed with a leather strap. He disagreed. Men. Whatever. "Whippin's" and all, we are now clear to go to the seminar next Thursday and Friday, and then will meet back up with our case worker to complete the home study.

Speaking of home, we did manage to get the furniture put back into the bedrooms after the carpet was installed. Duke's chair however, is being put out to the curb, and it might just be the first of many sacrifices the poor little guy is going to have to make. When we first got Duke, he decided that our red IKEA chair was his dog bed. We moved it everywhere around our apartment to accommodate him. When we were gone and he was fenced in the kitchen, the chair went in the kitchen. When we slept at night, the chair went in the bedroom. It was his security blanket. When we moved to our house, we put the chair (which by now looked like a sad salvaged dumpster find) into our office. It became where Duke spent most of his day when he wasn't out sunning on the patio. However, it was obvious that we no longer had room for the chair (and it looked and smelled worse than my brothers undies) with the guest bed being moved to the office. I decided to buy Duke a new, actual dog bed. So today, I brought it home for him to try out. He did sit a while, but not sure if he's as impressed with it as I am. As I'm typing, he's sleeping in my spot in bed...forget his designer dog bed! So here are a few before and after pics.

The initial take over (the cutest puppy ever!)

Snoozing in the kitchen (yes, that is the oven door)

Really comfortable...and giving the scary eye

appearance on Everhart Christmas Card 2007

...and his new Fatboy!

not so sure about this...